Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
