I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
