Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
