Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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