I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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