It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
