I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
