What a fucking waste of an outfit
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
try to milk me bitch
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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