I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize