i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
