I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We have so much sex to catch up on
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
