I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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