My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
