Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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