fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
