I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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