he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
