I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
