The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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