She is in my trunk
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize