You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
