I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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