forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize