she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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