i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
