My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
