DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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