ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
