i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
