Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
