Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
