I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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