the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
either way he was missing a nipple.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
