im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
