hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
