I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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