Betty ford says i'm here all night
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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