I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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