If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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