my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
