Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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