goodnight i made you a song goodbye
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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