I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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