her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
