I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
