Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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