so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
