If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
