Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
