Non-Jews are for practice
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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