I faked an abortion last night.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
