As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
