how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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