From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
