You just made me feel so damn special
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
The adults are the big ones right?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
