it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
