sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
