I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
