is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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