Swine flu. Run for my life!
Everything about him screamed your future.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
