Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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