Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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