i can't believe i had my finger in that
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
