Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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