I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
