i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Randomize
