I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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