i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
